Children who behave aggressively mainly want to feel their power over something or someone.
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Increasingly, we are faced with such a phenomenon as harassment or bullying by teenagers of another child or even an adult. One of the recent egregious cases was the situation in Primorye, where a group of schoolchildren mocked over a lonely woman. In the course were obscene expressions, insults, physical violence. Pupils of the fifth and seventh grades uploaded videos of the bullying process to the network, and this woman turned out to be the “favorite” object of bullying by a flock of teenagers, they watched her at the entrance regularly, but the lady was not the only victim of this group. Children were also hit. Why do teenagers bully? What is it – malicious intent or entertainment? Who is chosen to be the victim and how not to become a victim of bullying? What can adults, including parents, oppose to teenage aggression? KP.RU was told about this by a candidate of psychological sciences, associate professor of the Department of Developmental Psychology named after M. Professor L.F. Obukhova, Faculty of Psychology of Education, Moscow State University of Psychology and Education Yulia Kochetova.
– Adolescents strive to be accepted by the group, especially those peers who, in the opinion of the whole group, are the most popular. In order to be valued in a group, adolescents often exaggerate the manifestations of their character traits, emotions, and abilities; they want to be like their friends and at the same time stand out among them, – the expert believes.
A SENSE OF POWER AND THE CONTINUITY OF CRULITY
Children who behave aggressively mainly want to feel their power over something or someone. This makes them feel more confident. Simply put, they assert themselves by the fact that they can “influence” the state or behavior of another person. At the same time, such aggressive behavior can be perceived by peers as a challenge to society or adults. As a result, the aggressor receives respect from peers, can feel his authority.
– Most likely, in the companies of teenagers who are engaged in bullying, there are one or more “authorities”, and the rest of the children imitate them, want to earn their approval, want to be similar, cool and appreciated in the group, – says Yulia Kochetova.
BULLER’S BASIC TECHNIQUES
It is important for teenagers who engage in bullying to feel that they have power over the victim. So, in the video of bullying of a woman, teenagers force her to enter into a conversation, prevent her from leaving, change her emotional state.
1 Bullying is a group activity.
One or more authority teenagers in this group, the aggressors, seek self-assertion, want to increase self-esteem and feel significant, so they need witnesses to their manifestations of power, and it’s not scary to do such things with a big company.
2 Bullying is on the rise.
Violent and provocative behavior towards the victim is gradually becoming the norm. Buller gets used to the fact that this victim can be poisoned, and eyewitnesses to the fact that such a situation is repeated from time to time, and gradually teenagers begin to perceive such behavior as the norm.
3 Often the reason for the beginning of the persecution of the victim is some kind of accusation against her or the “wrong” reaction of the victim to a special provocation.
Such an accusation can serve as an excuse and explanation for the bully or other adolescents who support bullying; it unites them, as it were, unites them against a certain situation. The victim most often becomes a person who clearly shows his emotional reaction to bullying and insults. After all, it is the emotional reaction that the aggressor wants to see in order to feel his power.
There is another type of victim: people who are distinguished by their appearance, voice (peculiarities of speech, accent, stuttering), behavior. At school, these may be teenagers who do not show loyalty to the group, who are not like everyone else, “too smart”, or who dress “poorer” or “richer” than most.
HOW TO RESPOND TO BILLING?
The best tactic is not to react and get out of the environment. Do not enter into an argument with the bullies, or try to prove something to them. So you start playing by their rules. If teenagers are waiting on the street, it is best to try to get away from them as quickly as possible.
– It is important to understand that we are not able to predict the actions of another person, especially an unfamiliar or unfamiliar one. Sometimes retaliatory aggression can scare away the bully, and sometimes vice versa – provoke him to even greater aggression, because in situations of collective bullying it is very important for the aggressor not to lose face in front of friends, not to fold, – says the psychologist.
In a situation where acquaintances bully, for example, a child is bullied by classmates, you must definitely ask for help, inform the class teacher and teachers, the school administration, and the principal. Also, be sure to seek the help of a psychologist who will teach the child how to cope with bullying.
SHOULD THE BULLERS BE PUNISHED?
– Unfortunately, in such a situation, many parents begin to protect their children – to persuade them not to register them with the Commission on Juvenile Affairs, to register at school. Or pay fines, or try to persuade the victim not to go to the police. It is understandable why parents do this – they are worried about the future of their child. And often parents, saving the child from registration, close this issue and do not impose any sanctions on the child. Then the teenager does not have an idea of the consequences. This only reinforces the feeling of impunity, – says Yulia Kochetova.
The consequences of an act should be tangible (forms of apology to the victim, working off a fine, for example), but they should not be cruel, the expert is sure. The main thing is not to label the child as a “bad person”, otherwise it is highly likely that he will continue to “behave badly”, as if justifying the worst expectations of his parents.
